Issue 8 and Volume 113.

FALSE ALARMS DEPARTMENTS Realist Man: “Son, will you direct me to the bank?” Boy: “I will—for a dollar.” Man: “A dollar! That’s high pay, isn’t it?” Boy: “Not for a bank director.” “What you are saying to me,” shouted the angry husband, “goes in one ear and out the other.” “Of course,” replied his irritated wife, “that’s because there is nothing in there to stop it.” A Texas oilman gushed into his dentist for an examination. The dentist dove into the oillionaire’s mouth and said, “Perfect, man, perfect! You don’t need a thing.” “Well, drill anyway, Doc,” the patient drawled, “I feel lucky this morning.” “And now, gentlemen,” continued the speechmaking Congressman, “I wish to tax your memory.” “Good heavens,” whispered one colleague to another, “why haven’t we thought of that before?” License clerk: “I’m sorry, Miss, but I can’t issue a marriage license until you have a properly filled…

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