By Ron Hiraki
Firefighters are known for their willingness to help other people. They help each other on and off the job. That help often goes far beyond an extra pair of hands with a specific task, and often takes the form of coaching, advice, support, and sometimes monetary assistance. Of course, firefighters say “thanks” as the helper(s) or giver(s) are leaving, but a follow-up or formal thank you is a display of you stepping up, not just as a leader, but more importantly as a good person.
Whether a firefighter is career or volunteer, there is a bond that makes giving and receiving help special and to some degree expected. However, does that bond or the culture of the fire service or a particular fire department excuse the firefighter from properly expressing their gratitude? The answer is “probably not.” There are a number of books on manners or etiquette that can guide you on the “rules” of what is proper in a social or business setting. In the fire service, many fire departments have rules or guides describing manners or etiquette for our interactions with each other. One would hope that we don’t need a specific thank-you “rule.”
It’s hard to go wrong in sending a thank you, so when in doubt, send one. The goal is to find the best way to convey your appreciation so that it is sincere, thoughtful, and sent to the recipient in an appropriate manner. There are some factors you should consider in preparing to send a thank you message.
What was received from the helper or giver?
Help: Any kind of help that took that person away from some other activity deserves your thanks. Gifts or other tokens of appreciation or celebration always deserve a formal thank you, especially if you won’t see the giver in the very near future. Meals: A special meal deserves a thank you. This may not be the case if the meal is informal, reciprocal, or a regular appointment. Advice or support frequently does not receive a thank you. This may be a significant oversight. Someone may give you advice or information that is helpful to you or your
firefighting career. Another person may “stick up” for you in your absence. Although these are not tangible items, they should be treasured. In short, if you are the recipient of anything that helps you or anything that was not required or expected; follow-up with a thank you note, phone call, or email.
What were the conditions under which the help or item was given?
If the help or item was offered to you, it does not diminish the need for a thank you, but if you requested the help or item, it elevates the need for a thank you. Consider the effort that the helper or giver put forth in your behalf (e.g., Drove an hour to meet you. Took time at home to write some practice interview questions or create some practice scenarios. Gave up an evening with their family or friends to help you.). When your supervisor helps you on duty, this is part of their job, and a responsibility or requirement. Even if your supervisor just “met their obligation,” they deserve your thanks. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
What is your relationship with the helper or giver?
Is the helper or giver an acquaintance, close friend, a coach, a mentor, a fellow firefighter or officer, supervisor, or another superior officer? If the helper or giver is close to you or knows you well, your thank you may be less formal, but very important to you since that helper or giver means a lot to you. When the helper or giver is not well known to you, a formal thank you is essential. If that person is not close to or well know to you, he or she probably didn’t have compelling reason to help you. Therefore, this person really deserves your gratitude. Any helper or giver who is a supervisor or superior also deserves a formal thank you. Don’t go “overboard” on the thank you, which may create a negative impression of you in their mind. The goal is not to win their favor, but to just do the right thing.
What means are available to send the thank you message?
A phone call may not seem special, but in this day of “junk” and automated phone calls, a phone call from an appreciative person can be refreshing. If you can’t reach the person live, a nice voice mail can be a great substitute. A few years ago, an e-mail or text message may not have been preferred for a “thank you,” but times change. The beauty of an e-mail or text message is that it can be instant, non-intrusive, read at the recipient’s convenience, and almost certainly will be received and read. If the e-mail or text message is well written, its sincerity and thoughtfulness will be obvious. Even an e-mail or text that begins with “Hi Ron,” and ends with “Thanks again. Take care, Lance” has a nicer tone. A thank-you card from the card shop with a brief message shows you took the time and made an effort to select a card, write a few words, and mail it (not to mention the $3.99 and up spent on the card, and postage). A hand written note is a classic method. In The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication, Margret Shepherd comments that one can use the telephone or Web for daily chores, but for words that matter, it’s courteous, classy, caring, and civilized to pick up a pen.”1 Some people may worry about their handwriting or want the comfort that comes with editing on-screen and having spell check. Go ahead and figure out a way to use the computer. The recipient will understand.
Consider these examples of how firefighters have (or have not) expressed their appreciation.
Example 1: A career firefighter was selected from a group of four firefighters to conduct a two-day training session for a small group of volunteer firefighters. The career firefighter did a great job with the training and was paid overtime for his work. The training captain purchased a small flashlight and bracket that mounts on the helmet and sent them with note complimenting the career firefighter on a job well done with the training session. The training captain saw the new captain our months later and saw the flashlight on his helmet. The training captain never received any acknowledgement from the career firefighter.
- Do you think the career firefighter owed the training captain an acknowledgement or thank you? If so, for what?
- Do you think the training captain should have said something to the career firefighter? If so, what?
Example 2: A firefighter was promoted to lieutenant. On a fire department memorandum form, the new lieutenant wrote, “Thanks to all of you for what you have taught me that will make me a good lieutenant.” This was followed by a list of 23 names and a one line description of what the new lieutenant had learned from that person (e.g., Chief Adams: How to really use ICS on the fireground. Chief Blink: Great people skills and taking care of the troops. Captain Carter: Good report writing skills. Captain Dado: The importance of building construction to the firefighter.). He photocopied the memorandum and sent a copy to each person on the list. Today this might be done on Facebook.
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Do you think this memo an appropriate thank you?
- Do you think the one memo to the group seemed impersonal and indicated laziness; or did it serve as compliment to one person that was made public to the other 22 people on the list?
- In you organizations, how would you express you appreciated to the 23 people who helped you?
As you think about the thank-you messages you will send, you will think about what you will say or write and how you will send that message. Say something specific about what you learned, how you will use what you received, or the quality of the giver. Think too about how you want the helper or giver to feel when they receive your thank you. If you still need more help, think about how you feel when you don’t receive a thank you or feel appreciated. Generally if you receive a thank you, you don’t have to send a thank you for a thank-you message. Remember, better to send the thank you late than not at all.
The helpers and givers will tell you that they don’t help or give with an expectation of getting a formal thank you in return. They will also tell you they don’t focus on the people who didn’t say thank you, but that those who do always stand out. Perhaps this discussion seems old-fashioned and a regurgitation of common sense, but many people will admit that the formal thank you is becoming a lost art. You don’t have to run out and buy a bunch of thank-you cards and stamps. Just keep your eyes open and see if a follow-up or formal thank is warranted. If so, consider a phone call, e-mail, card, or note. If not, at least you didn’t forget, or help the formal thank you become a lost art.
1. Shepherd, M. (2002), The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication. New York, NY: Broadway Books.
Ron Hiraki began his career as a firefighter in the Seattle (WA) Fire Department, working in a variety of operational and administrative positions leading to his final assignment as Assistant Chief of Employee Development. Completing his career as an assistant chief for a small combination fire department, Hiraki has nearly 30 years of fire service experience in urban and suburban settings. He holds a Master of Science degree in human resources development and is a consultant to a number of public safety agencies for their selection and performance evaluation programs.