Who Gets Your Best?

By Anne Gagliano

We all only have so much to give.  Each day is filled with tasks—tasks we must complete, such as work, and tasks we desire to complete, such as watching our favorite programs.  So much to do, so little time; our energies must be channeled and directed toward our top priorities first, then secondary ones either come next, last, or not at all.  Many things remain undone by the end of the day as they simply didn’t fit into our schedule for one reason or another.  Priorities, energy, time—how do we pick and choose?  We do so by daily asking, “Who gets your best … your best efforts … your best attention … your best treatment?”

Who gets your best … work?  At work are you passionate, alive, alert?  Are you focused, energetic, and excellent, honing your skills both on and off the clock?  Do you plan and scheme on how to promote, how to achieve, how to be the best?  Do you resent anyone or anything that gets in the way of your aspirations?  Having given work your utmost, do you head home tired, spent, and grouchy, then collapse in a heap on the couch with nothing left to give?  If so, then work is getting your best.

Who gets your best … co-workers?  Are you especially friendly with your co-workers?  Do you think of funny, intelligent things to say?  Do you laugh together, enjoy meals together, form tight bonds as you work side by side?  Do you smile with them, encourage them, say only that which is upbeat and positive, and make every effort to be your most charming self? Do you prefer their company and treat them better than you do your spouse?  If so, then co-workers are getting your best.

Who gets your best … finances?   Do you get your sense of self-worth by the amount of money you have in the bank?  Do you work long hours, extra-long hours, to keep adding to your stock piles?  Do you pour effort and focus into building your retirement and let your daily mood be impacted by its numbers?  Do you feel constant pressure to have bigger accounts, so much so that you nearly have a nervous breakdown every time your family needs something new?  Do you de-value your spouse because he contributes less to the coffers than you do?  If so, then finances are getting your best.

Who gets your best … hobbies?   Do you trudge through your daily tasks with your mind distracted by dreams of your hobbies?  Do you plan and look forward to them above all else, investing your best efforts into their realization?  Hunting, fishing, sports, trips, collectibles, purchases, parties—are these the things you can’t wait to get to, to escape to?  Do you only feel joy, feel alive, feel a sense of purpose when you’re immersed in your playtime?  Do you allocate large portions of your budget to your pursuits, even at the expense of your spouse’s desires?  Do you resent spending time with your spouse because he interferes with “your time”?  If so, then hobbies are getting your best.

Who gets your best … the children?  Are all of your hopes and dreams wrapped up in the achievements of your children?  Do you enroll them in every available activity, then spend hours chauffeuring them to each one?  Do they get every ounce of your patience, energy, and free time?  Do you pour all of your finances into their every desire so that they’ll never have to “do without”?  Is your identity completely intertwined with theirs?  Do you resent your spouse for intruding into your time with the kids, preferring parenthood to marriage?  Do your children’s needs come ahead of your spouse’s, day and night?  If so, then the children are getting your best.

Who gets your best … texts and Facebook?  Do you spend hours on the computer, chatting with old friends, new friends, relatives, co-workers, and even strangers?  Do you respond every time your phone vibrates, even if you’re in the middle of something else?  Can you go more than 20 minutes without having a computer, an I-pad, or a cell phone in hand?  Do you spend lots of free time creating clever responses, crafting new posts, and chuckling or smiling over the comments of others while ignoring your spouse?  Do you tune out your spouse when conversing online, preferring typing to talking?  If so, then the Ethernet is getting your best.

The good book says, “For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt. 6:21.  Whatever you cherish, enjoy, prefer, and desire becomes your “treasure,” and that which you treasure gets your heart, your love, your “best.”  Are the pursuits listed above bad?  Of course not; work, co-workers, finances, hobbies, kids and communication—these are all wonderful and necessary aspects of a full and productive life.  But nothing should ever come ahead of your marriage, and unfortunately, the spouse seems to end up getting pushed to the back of the line when it comes to time and effort.

How do you make sure your spouse gets your “best,” not just the crumbs of whatever energy and focus you have left at the end of the day?  Simply choose to view him as your most desirable, cherished treasure, and treat him as such.  Pour your passion and energy into your spouse; view his betterment more important than your own achievements.  Treat him better than your co-workers; don’t just turn to your spouse when you need someone to dump on or want someone to cheer you up.

Treasure your spouse as your greatest investment, for a loving relationship is more valuable than any amount of money, as only true love ever completely satisfies.  Pursue and plan time together as intently as you would a hobby. Make your spouse your hobby like you did when you were dating–and your best, most enjoyable times will be spent together, not apart.

Your primary companionship should be derived from the person you’ll grow old with, not from the little ones who will grow up and leave you someday.  Invest a little less time in the kids’ activities and more time in adult activities, and your kids will thank you for this, as the greatest gift you can give them is a happily married Mom and Dad.

And don’t ever spend too much time with a machine; verbal conversation and real smiles and laughter are much more precious and endearing than smiley face icons or “LOL.”

“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Treasure your spouse, and you will give him your best; nothing else gives you a better return for your efforts.

 

Anne Gagliano has been married to Captain Mike Gagliano of the Seattle (WA) Fire Department for 28 years. She and her husband lecture together on building and maintaining a strong marriage.

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