CALL THE MISSIONARIES HOME
“Fifty years ago,” says an eminent clerical authority, “there was not a Christian on the Fiji Islands; now there is not a heathen.” We are morally certain that the gentleman has reference to that land away off in the Southern Pacific, discovered by Tasman three hundred or so years ago, and does not mistakenly mean the land discovered by Columbus two hundred years previous. Surely, in this land of gospel light and religious privilege there could be no heathens; at least that is what we are supposed to believe; and yet if the gentleman who made the above statement speaks from knowledge gained on the spot and is out of a job, there is a vacancy yawning for him here. There are crimes being committed in this country every day that would force an uncivilized Fiji Islander to hide his face for shame. And to add to this shocking confession, these crimes are condoned by society. In the insane rush for spoils men are allowing nothing to get between them and the coveted goal—the possession of money. If it be necessary to sacrifice a few lives, say, for instance, burn to death a hundred girls and women, then this must be done. Sometimes this class of criminals is punished by the imposing of a filty-dollar fine for the offense, and, while this is looked upon as a hardship and a restriction of their “personal liberty,” they manage to bear up under the strain. Courts are manipulated by political Pontius Pilates, and pulpit orators are spending their time Demeaning the fact that poor old Jonah is being defrauded of the royalties on his fish story. Wrangling over the absurdity of a fish with an Intake large enough to swallow a man, and after giving him a free excursion (this is inside information) putting him off at quarantine, from whence he went to preach to the Ninivites, is not conforming to the teachings of the man who wore camel’s hair and fed on locust and wild honey. And yet as if to glut the lake market, Alphonse Trinqual, of San Francisco, announces that he has constructed an ark with all the modern improvements, eighty feet in length, thirty foot beam, and “nonsinkable,” preparatory for another great flood which is soon to come. All this goes to prove that the science of Sherlockistry is broadening out to embrace all classes, and that the harvest is ripe for the missionary who has finished his work in the Fiji Islands.