# FALSE ALARMS

FALSE ALARMS

HEAVEN FORBID

With many persons, it is home and country first, but with salesmen, it is business first and home second. There is a story now going the rounds regarding a hose salesman.

While on the road, he received a telegram from a doctor who was attending his wife.

The telegram, which was harmless when sent, was transmitted thus:

“Congratulations. Your wife gave birth to twin boys this morning. Litter follows.”

Many a man has been nailed by a pretty manicurist.

CORRECT

He was taking an examination to get a job in the Fire Department. There were many applicants and, of course, the questions were none too easy.

One applicant sat chewing his pencil for some time over the question:

“Give the number of pumpers in this city for any one year.”

Suddenly there was a smile on his face. He had found the answer. In haste he wrote:

“1492—none.”

A pessimist is one who sees things as they are.

A MERE INCIDENT

A volunteer fireman, who let his desire for speed to a fire get the better of his judgement, had a mishap. As he walked back along the road for assistance. he met one of the townfolk, and was asked:

“Did you have an accident?”

“No,” he replied bitterly. “I just got out of the way to let the bridge get past, and then a tree walked over and hit me, and after that the river jumped up and grabbed me.”

FUTILITY

He was brushing up on his arithmetic, not that he had any love for the subject, but because he was preparing for an entrance examination to the Fire Department, and he was told that the examiners had a yen for problems in arithmetic.

A friend who was coaching him, said, “Let’s take this problem here. A man can build a house in twelve days. Therefore, twelve men can build the same house in one day.”

The student pondered for a while and said, “That don’t make sense. If one ship can cross the Atlantic in six days, is it right to say that six ships can cross the ocean in one day?”

PRACTICAL THEOLOGY

A little boy had been playing in front of the fire station for so long that he had a great desire for a toy fire engine.

One night he said his prayers for a toy engine so loud that his brother told him not to shout, that God was not deaf.

“I know it,” said the boy, “but grandma is.”

LOGIC

A dumb girl is a dope. A dope is a drug. Doctors give dope to relieve pain. Therefore, a dumb girl is just what the doctor ordered.

NOT A HANDICAP

A number of persons were present in court, because their names had been called for jury duty. Due to be heard in court was a rather important and involved arson case, and one of those whose name had been called, could not be absent from his work for so long a time. So he approached the judge and with great politeness said:

“Your Honor, I would like to get out of jury duty.”

“For what reason?” asked the judge.

“I can only hear with one ear,” was the excuse given.

The judge smiled.

“It’s all right,” he said, “we hear only one side of a case at a time.’”