An exchange tells of an irate parent who attempted to kick one of his daughter’s admirers off the front steps, but missed him by two feet. Any man who attempts to kick with two feet ought to and is sure to miss.

Said one lawyer, with great contempt, before he understood the “reservoir’s” function: “How many glasses of lager beer can you drink at one time?” The spotter had just spoken of having had six glasses of lager in one morning. “One,” was the answer, and the audience laughed without any reprimand.

“ Here, James, take these two cakes and give the smaller one to your little brother,” James examined the cakes carefully, appeared undecided, and finally took a heroic bite out of one of them, which he passed to his brother with the remark : “ There, Tommy, I’ve made you a smaller one ’’ —they were both the same size.

A Cambridge mother sent her small boy into the country and after a week of anxiety has received this letter : , I got here all right and l forgot to write before ; it is a very nice place to have fun. A feller and I went out in a boat, and the boat tipped over, and a man got me out, and I was so full of water I didn’t know nothin’ for a good long while, The other boy has got to be buried after they find him. His mother come from Chelsea, and she cries all the time. A hoss kicked me over, and I have got to have some money to pay a doctor for fixin’ my head. I lost m watch, and I am very sorry. I shall bring home some mud-turtles, and I shall bring home a tame woodchuck, if I can get ’em in my trunk.”

*• Speaking of the meanest man in Detroit,” said Snaggs last night, “ I’ll tell-you what I know of one man right here, and a millionaire ten times over at that. My friend Mr. Jaggs recently borrowed $ro,ooo of him for ninety days at twelve per cent, with good security. Well, when be came to pay the lender, a dispute about the sum of two cents arose, and Jaggs swore that he wouldn’t pay any old skinflint two cents more than was due him. ‘ Why,’ he said, ’you’re positively the meanest roan in Detroit to quarrel about two cents.’ ‘ That’s where ydu’re mistaken, said the -banker. ’ Let me introduce you to my son-in-law ; he’d fight for a cent.’ Jaggs declined the offer with thanks, paid the two cents to the next to the meanest man in Detroit, and lelt the office, glad to have escaped tho meanest man,”



A barber in Auburn has opened a lawyer’s office in his shop. Different way of shaving a customer—that’s all.

A Sunday-school boy got up to recite his verse of Scripture, but he got it a little mixed,’and said: “Honesty is like angels’ visits, few and mighty scarce.”

The children were playing at horse railroad. Tommy suddenly exclaimed: “Look here, we’ve forgotten something. We can’t go on unless we buy up an alderman.”

The swimming season of 1886 has opened, and it is observed tha the fashionable bathing costume for the small boys along the rocks opposite Blackwell’s Island is a stone bruise upon the heel.

When rockets were soaring Monday night, little Ella of Niagara street, age four years, was in delight, save for a slight tear that was on her mind. “Mamma,” she asked, “ don’t you fink the angels will be scared?”

A well-known gentleman about town, who is something of a stranger to Adam’s ale, was lately handed a glass of water and asked to say what it was. He took it, turned it round, looked through it, smelt it, tasted it. At last be said, “ Well, it looks like gin, but there’s no taste to it.”